Am I Wrong?

Some many quotes are telling me to be strong, to be positive, to surrender myself to the Divine one.

I know all of that and not just by reading them but I was in the situation that I bet not everyone in my friend's list will be able to keep their sanity if they have to walk in my shoes.

They have no idea what I have been through just because I don't look like crap. Some of them are envy me because the idea of having a second chance on finding THE soulmate, a toy boy, someone who is filthy rich, someone who is pretty hot, whatever come in their mind, trigger their deepest darkest need to kill their boredom of their daily life routine. Which is totally the opposite of me.

I don’t fool around. I am being single because I want to, because of my own choice. And if I am in love with someone, it is not because of materialistic crap but because that particular person is helping me through the most difficult time in my life without even knowing it.

He annoys me because he is so "cuek", he annoys me because he didn't reply my texts, he annoys me for being so self cautious of his reputation, he annoys me
for being so scared that all he dares to do was touched my shoulder and whisper my name so no one would able to hear it. But I will never be able to hate him  because despite all unsettling emotional turnmoil he had caused, he reminds me of what I have been forgetting; writing, singing, creating, imagining, dancing and living. He lights the spark. He gets the fire going.

I am dreaming of Winnie the Pooh. I need to hug someone who is trully love me for who I am. Who finds me fascinating, beautiful inside out, smart and grateful that God has given us chance to meet each other.

You have no idea how does it feel to be trapped in the middle of a storm not knowing what to do except to close your eyes, surrender yourself and let the debris hit your body on and on and on until it stop. But you have no control over it. You just have to stand still and be brave. No matter how much it hurts. Nobody will help you. Nobody will hear your scream.

Now tell me, do you still want to have my life?